


Melt

by brainroidmude (hail_cobra)



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Closeted Character, Gay, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-02 22:46:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13328010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hail_cobra/pseuds/brainroidmude
Summary: A short drabble-adjacent headcanon of Hiiro's feelings towards Saki... I never liked her fridge plot and it's impossible to make character development based on a woman's death much better frankly but Hiiro struggling with his sexuality is a topic I enjoy exploring.





	Melt

Saki was never meant to die like this. A tragic love, like something from a fairytale, like something poetic and tragic and Shakesperian, a love lost before her warm smile melted his cold heart. He scoffed. Hiiro felt trapped by it all, too aware that his narrative was now set in stone. He dragged a smooth palm over his aching head and closed his eyes, stomach churning enough to keep him from finishing the comfort food he’d been midway through dissecting. The dessert had been warm when he bought it, but sitting in a freezing hospital office after hours meant it had congealed into something far less appealing. He sighed. Saki had always been perfect for him, and now without her he didn’t know where to turn, or where to run, or how to act around the rest of the staff. To them, he was a widower, mourning the love he never appreciated in life - he was disgusted by it. Every sympathetic look singed his heart, the dishonesty that had killed her twisting the knife of responsibility in his ribs.

 

Saki was truly a saint, he thought. It was only now looking back that Hiiro realised what a terrible job he’d done at pretending to be her boyfriend. She didn’t notice or at least didn’t mind his cold, unfeeling kisses; and was easily placated that he wanted to save sex for after marriage. He chuckled darkly. What a damn joke he was. His good looks were more than enough to reel in more girls than he’d ever like to admit, so it was easy for him to pick out the most committed to pursuing despite with his cold ripostes. Even if his love hadn’t been romantic, his appreciation for what Saki represented to him ran far deeper than he’d ever really shown. He could never have summoned the courage when she was still alive, but now Hiiro wished more than anything he could have a final chance to explain to her what a horrible mess he was. While they were dating, she was a chance to pause his understanding of himself before he could admit to himself that really, it wasn’t just her he was uninterested in, but women as a whole. He choked back a sob as he thought this, cursing himself for never being able to see her as another human being instead of an extra mask to hide behind. He would give anything to get her back, and be the true friend that she deserved; to repent for his neglect, his sterile use of another human as an ineffective bandaid on his lack of compassion for his own feelings.

 

The tears flowed freely now, burning his cheeks with the heat of anger. Anger at Saki for never telling him anything was wrong, anger at Taiga for being unable to help her, anger at himself for using an honest and genuine girl’s true feelings as a disguise and barely paying her any mind until she died thinking only of him, never truly understanding the person he was. In that moment, seeing her fade away, he had willed with all his might that he could turn back time.

 

Perhaps if they had been allowed that one final conversation, she would have persuaded him to let the walls around his heart melt a little. He wiped his face weakly, realising that this outburst was the most honest he’d been with his feelings in years. From now on, he was going to try. Years of stamping down any feelings, romantic or otherwise, had made him a callous and unpleasant beast. Perhaps opening up like this more often, perhaps even to other people, could begin to pay back Saki’s tragedy.

Steeling himself, Hiiro vowed to do everything within his power to bring her memory justice.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading baby's first fic(??!?) this is probably kinda heavy-handed but I'm attempting to Actually Write this year for the first time so uh. I hope it was somewhat enjoyable at least :')


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